I have joined a bible study at my church. It's called Women of the Word, and it has been such a blessing in my life. However, as you can imagine the study is a bit convicting!
To be completely honest, I feel like I have completely failed the past week and a half. I'm not sure if it's because I am more aware of my sin, and so I now see how I was already failing, OR, perhaps as I have prayed that the Lord would grow me and humble me, He is doing just that, and I am seeing where I am so weak. (It's probably both!)
Sometimes I feel like I live in a prison of fear or anxiety. My mind can catch on to an idea, and it takes everything in me to get it back on track. I have to stop, instantly be in the Word, and pray pray pray. Memorizing scripture is my biggest defense against myself. When my mind wanders I need truth!
I have seem victories in my battle with anxiety/fear, and yet it seems that once I "conquer" I just see how much deeper my sin really goes.
I am so thankful that the Lord is patient enough with me to show me my sin little by little instead of exposing me to all of it at once! I truly think I might die under the weight of it!
I find my refuge is in the fact that my battle is already won! I am a child of the One who holds the keys to death. I am an heir of the One who cried "It is finished!" and it is, It's finished. This is the truth I rest in most. I will NEVER conquer sin on my own strength. I will never be able to talk myself out of fear. I can only run to my Savior and rely on Him, for when I am weak, He is strong!
I also find refuge in repentance. A dear dear older lady in our church said something that is so true and stuck with me, "The more you repent, the more you have victory!" It's one of those simple truths that I knew, and needed to be reminded of. We aren't to go to the Lord once, but over and over. We need to remember our dependence on Him. I see the most victory when I stop, and repent.
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