My little man is 4 1/2 months old. It's crazy to think that he's only been here for 4 1/2 months. He's changed our whole world. He's a complete joy and Kyle and I just love being parents. I keep on writing in his baby book, all of his "new" developments. How he has recently found his feet (thanks to his great-grandma), how he laughs and how his neck is ticklish like his daddy's. He smiles all the time... right up until the point he decides he's done and ready for a nap. Then the pouty lip comes out and it's one cute sad face that he makes.
I want to remember things about myself too, all the lessons I'm learning along the way. It's true that I'll never sleep the same again. I can be in a dead sleep and hear Jonathan roll over in his crib upstairs. Some day's it's not until I'm about to make lunch that I realize I haven't brushed my teeth yet, and some days I forget to make lunch all together. (I don't think I've completely forgotten about brushing my teeth, thank goodness!)
I have to say 'no' to activities a lot more than I used to. I am learning that I have to plan out my day just to run to Costco, and I have had to stop in the middle of a store and feed Jonathan his bottle more than once because I didn't make it home on time.
However, a midst all of the things that have changed, nothing has changed as much as my heart. I have seen the care of my Savior in a deeper way than ever before. I have seen my dependence on Him strengthen daily. I have felt a new kind of joy that I haven't experienced before, and a new kind of love. My prayer life has grown. I find myself just talking to the Lord throughout my day. Sometimes I am sharing the joy of motherhood, sometimes I am begging for energy and praising Him for creating the coffee bean. I pray for the Salvation of my boy, but mostly I realize on a new level what it means that the Lord is my father.
I am his child. I will never be able to understand fully in my human mind the love, care, discipline, and teaching that goes in to being my Heavenly father. But I have learned to lean on Him and trust Him in a new way. If he has shown me through making me a parent a fraction of the care that He has for me, how can I do anything but rely on Him, and rest in His arms.
In some ways I feel like a child again. I remember growing up basically thinking my Dad was superman (ok, I might still think that) I told kids my Dad was smarter, stronger, better, and bigger than anyone else's Dad. I always felt safe with my Dad and I always knew he'd take care of me.
I see how Kyle is with Jonathan, and I know how I feel towards my boy. We would do anything to care for him, protect him, provide for him, and love him. I find myself in a complete state of peace knowing I can't fathom how my Heavenly father is doing the same for me.
This doesn't mean I never worry, or stress. I'm just learning to take those worries to the Lord instead of mull them over on my own.
I can't imagine the ways the Lord is going to continue to humble me and stretch me through parenthood, but if it's anything like the first 4 1/2 months then I am truly excited to see what is to come.
